How a year of travel improved my marriage, myself - A guide to travel therapy

Check out this guy Darling Husband and I met on one of our first trips to the Olympic Peninsula and the Olympic Game Farm in July 2015.

My 29th year was one of turmoil.

Darling Husband and I had moved to a new city. I experienced culture shock in my new hometown, significant homesickness and Darling Husband was unemployed for about six months. Plus, my new job was rewarding and wonderful, but exhausting, emotionally and physically.

In short, we were a mess. I'm still a hot mess some days, but less so because I invested in therapy and it paid off - travel therapy.

Before age 29, I hadn't traveled much. I had been to California, Oregon, Disney World and to the Bahamas on our honeymoon. That was it.

At the gorgeous lavender farm in Sequim, Washington in July 2015.

Darling Husband and I travel really well together. We can get stressed preparing for travel, but the moment we leave, we find our groove and enjoy the adventure and each other.

My desire to see more of the Pacific Northwest and the U.S., and Darling Husband's ability to go along with my crazy ideas (most of the time), led to a life-changing year of healing, discovery and finding something in us and in myself that has made us better and stronger. Here's how we did it.

How to make travel affordable
Our first trip was right after Darling Husband got his new job. We took a trip two hours south to Portland, Oregon, with one goal - only eat out of food trucks for one weekend. It was delicious, fun, quirky, cheap and easy. I took two larger trips this last year, but really explored our corner of the U.S. in the Pacific Northwest. We were not jet setting off to New Orleans every weekend.

The first Ralphie vacation! We took him on a day trip wine and beer tasting in Woodinville, Washington, in July 2015.

We did a day trip to the famous tulip fields in Skagit Valley, or we stayed with family for a long weekend in Walla Walla. We used Groupon to get a seriously discounted hotel room in New Orleans. I always asked about a AAA discount. We learned to set budgets for ourselves on the trips so we would have some guidelines and wouldn't later argue over how much to spend. And, we used our favorite travel agent who scored us free upgrades and saved us loads of time. Time is a cost, too!

I believe, whatever your budget, travel can be available, it just may not be what you think it will be. Start with a budget and go from there.

How to know where to go
I scoured travel magazines. I have the Texture app that gives me loads of magazines for about $10 a month. I read travel publications like Travel + Leisure, Sunset and even Southern Living to earmark where I want to go in the future. I love reading local magazines like South Sound Magazine and 425 Magazine for day trip ideas. Also, Pinterest caught on that I was traveling and sends me ideas via pins for Northwest, U.S. and international travel.

Bunny and I at our favorite cruise location, Labadee, Haiti, in February 2016.

As for where to stay and where to eat, we rely on TripAdvisor and Yelp reviews, in addition to what I've read in the travel mags. I like to look up menus before we try new restaurants to make sure there will be something Darling Husband will enjoy eating. Plus, it gives me an idea of price point and if we'll need to make a reservation.

How often to travel
Until this summer, I was traveling in some capacity every weekend. No joke - I was never home. If Darling Husband was pulling a shift at the fire station, I called up a friend to go with me, or I went alone.

How I kept my job with so much travel
Some travel, like my trip to Indianapolis, Indiana, was actually for work. I had about 80 hours of PTO in my 29th year and my goal was to use all of it. I hope to never leave PTO hours on the table as I did prior to this year. I thought travel was out of reach for us financially. With PTO and regional travel, I was wrong.

Ralphie and I on the beach at Kalaloch, Washington, in November 2015.

As a type A individual who struggles with perfectionism and saying no, (do you know someone like me?) the hardest day was asking my boss for 10 days to go on a Western Caribbean cruise and to Miami Beach in February 2016. I'll never forget, she said "that's a long time." I replied, "it is..." I had the PTO, I had planned perfectly to go during a slower time of the year at work. She let me go and I left my cell phone in Portland and fully disconnected for 10 days. BLISS.

Outcomes
After one year of traveling nearly every weekend, here is how my life has changed.

Better communication with my husband. He and I have been in crazy travel situations and many long car rides together this year. I have learned more about him, what makes him happy, the little cues that show he doesn't want to talk but is upset, and we are able to communicate with each other more effectively. And, the memories we have made this year mean more to me than any gift, home or material item I have ever owned.

Enjoying my sorbellini at Salon in the French Quarter in New Orleans in April 2016.

Reconnecting with old friends. Bunny and I cheered together in college. She LOVES to travel and is an awesome travel partner. Our friendship this year is just as strong as it was in college, after not seeing each other much for about seven years. I need her positive energy in my life. And, while Darling Husband is my great caretaker, Bunny pushes me to my edge and challenges me to step outside my comfort zone and live a little more. This has changed me for the better.

Travel helped me get through challenging weeks at work. At the end of the day, I would come home and cry into my wine glass over what happened that day. Knowing that I was going to Kalaloch with Darling Husband and Ralphie that weekend gave me something to look forward to.

I have a countdown app on my phone that would tell me how many days until the cruise, until New Orleans, etc. I see now I was using travel as escapism. I needed a way to escape my new city and my job. I needed to focus on something other than my situation and it worked for me. I was able to have a hard day, remember that 67 days from now I'll be somewhere fun, and picked myself back up.

The view from Amavi in Walla Walla, Washington in January 2016.

Self discovery. I was sitting in a gorgeous dress at fancy dinner on the cruise ship with Bunny one night and I couldn't stop stressing about how to handle work when I returned home. She looked me straight in the eyes and said "You know you are leaving your job. You just don't know when. When you know what that next move will be, you'll stop stressing."

One month later, I knew where I needed to go. Two months later, I took that new job. Five months later, I feel like my true self again. The time away from the daily grind gave me the space to explore my reality and use feedback from those I trust to change for the better.

This blog and insight into my career. Two months after I started traveling, I started this blog. I'm not writing this to become famous or make money. I needed to write more for my soul. Part of my communications work at the museum was tourism related, and I learned this year through traveling and the blog that I want to dive deeper. It led me to my new job at a statewide hospitality association and I love working in beautiful restaurants and hotels. Many days, it doesn't feel like work.

Sledding at Town Square in Leavenworth, Washington, in December 2015 - our third wedding anniversary.

To be quite honest, as soon as I left my old job and got a bit more settled in our new home, my need to escape has lessened. In turn, I feel my need to travel go from every weekend to one or two weekends a month.

I find myself in a new season. Darling Husband is at my family's lake house each weekend building us a teardrop trailer and that allows me to join him or stay home and take care of our home (that was a bit neglected when we were gone every weekend). This also gives me space to do a weekend girls trip with Bunny or the Junior League gals.

Travel is not going to end for me, but I'm not obsessively planning escapes every weekend. I have a few smaller trips and a few larger trips coming up in my 30th year that I'm very excited about. We have BIG travel plans for our five-year wedding anniversary in January 2018 that we are looking forward to.

I'll be sharing the details with you here after each trip. Thanks for joining me on this crazy ride in my 29th year.

Suncadia Lodge, November 2015